Tag Archives: Christianity

Falling Into Grace

“Grace can’t be explained; it has to be experienced … grace always has a story.” – Kyle Idleman

Grace is a word that we are all familiar with. We might think of it as a quick prayer at the start of a formal dinner. Or maybe a popular baby girls name. Perhaps you might think of a ballet dancer or figure skater moving gracefully around the room. You may of even heard it talked about in church.

But as the quote above says – grace is so much more than all that. It is not simply a word, a short prayer or even a religious concept…

Grace is an experience!

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Over the past few years God has really deepened my experience, understanding and revelation of grace. Grace has become such a powerful reality in my life that even just hearing or thinking the word can often bring tears to my eyes, or tangibly move my heart very deeply, as I hear and ponder it.

To me, the concept of divine grace is one of the most beautiful things in the world!

This is mainly because I believe, know and have profoundly experienced – that divine grace truly is the ultimate foundational building block of unconditional love.

You cannot separate grace from love. They are fully dependant on one another. Unconditional love is only possible because of undeserved grace.

Of course, we are talking about a specific definition of the word grace. I am referring to the word as a Biblical concept, a spiritual experience. So before I move on, let me first attempt to describe to you what I SEE when I read, or hear, the word grace in this context.

In the Bible’s New Testament, grace is translated from the Greek word ‘charis’ which can be translated as God’s unmerited or undeserved favour and ability. To favour someone or something is to prioritise, show preference to, demonstrate a special kindness towards and basically give approval to that person or thing.

Normally in our day to day world we would show ‘favour’ to someone that we love more than others, ie. a spouse, child, family member, best friend, someone who has helped or shown us more kindness than others. We would rarely show ‘favour’ to someone who had been unkind, treated us badly or someone that we dislike.

Therefore we usually show favour (or grace) to people conditionally. We repay love for love, kindness for kindness, generosity for generosity, dislike for dislike, rudeness for rudeness, hate for hate. The way someone behaves or acts towards us dictates how we react, treat and respond to them in the vast majority of cases.

This is where ‘charis’ blows normal human behaviour and convention out of the water.

The whole point of the New Testament concept of charis is that it is wholly undeserved. There is no initial assessment about whether someone’s behaviour merits us favouring them. We decide to favour them – before we know how they will treat or respond to us. AND we choose to favour and show kindness to them DESPITE wrong, hurtful or negative treatment or attitude towards us.

Do you see how undeserved grace is the foundational building block of unconditional love?

Can you SEE how outrageously beautiful it is as a concept to me? However, the stunning nature of undeserved charis can never be fully explained in words. It has to be SEEN & EXPERIENCED. For us to truly get a life changing revelation of its glorious divine nature and intention you have to have lived through, and from, its awesome perspective. As the lyrics to this song show is so beautifully…

“And nothing ever LOOKED like this
The wonder of a world I missed
The clarity I find in GRACE
Never thought I’d SEE this way.
You’ve been there every time I fall
Been there through it all
All this time to SHOW me
The VIEW from here.”
– Stu Garrard (The View From Here)

Those words help to describe the profound transforming metamorphosis that occurs from the day, or season, that we truly begin to SEE via divine grace.

It revolutionises the way that we SEE the world. It completely changes our own perspective of God and humanity. We start viewing everything from the eyes of our hearts – rather than with our limited heads and minds. It is a wholly new ‘view from here’. And today I want to try and describe something of the view from the vantage point of divine undeserved grace.

“The view from here
So beautiful
It’s so beautiful…
… can you SEE it now?”
(Stu Garrard ‘The View From Here’)

The view from the outlook of grace is truly stunning. It is simply indescribably beautiful. As you look out at the world, you begin to increasingly see the beauty in each and every person you meet. Even when they are in a bad mood, even if they treat you terribly, despite their good or bad behaviour. You see hidden beauty within them and you long to reach, connect with it and draw it out from them. You feel a profound depth of love for them before you even meet or know them.

Undeserved grace is truly THAT radical!

Isn’t it beautiful?!

Can you imagine a world where everyone could see and treat others from that viewpoint?

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But I can also hear the cynics among you mumbling: “Well that’s simply unattainable idealistic ‘world peace’ rubbish – who on earth can love to that depth? How can you love someone you don’t know or have never even met ... if you don’t know them – how do you know if that person really deserves your love?”

And all true Jesus followers should quickly reply with a resounding…

“We don’t! – But that’s the whole point of grace.”

How deserving someone is of love is taken right out of the equation.

There is nothing they could do to make us love them more. There is nothing they can do to make us love them less. We simply love them because we just love them. Full stop!

Isn’t it beautiful?

But…you might say… is it really possible to live like that? With that radical view of the world? Seeing every person you meet as uniquely, but distinctly, beautiful?

It is ONLY possible if you have ‘experienced’ that undeserved grace and unconditional love yourself first personally. You can’t view the world like that until you truly see and experience that level of divine love from the source of perfect, infinite, Divine Love Himself – Jesus Christ! When people have truly experienced divine undeserved grace and love. It will naturally flow out of them like streams of living water – to increasing measure, to everyone they meet. You can’t make it, will it or force it to happen. It should just increasingly become as natural as breathing, for those people who have truly surrendered to God’s unconditional love and grace.

However, unmerited grace is not a one-off experience alone. That is where it begins. But it’s real beauty is seen when people experience an ongoing deeper and deeper revelation personally. Day by day. Month by month. Season by season. And as they do it will just naturally transform the way they think, feel and behave until they increasingly drip and bleed undeserved grace and unconditional love to everyone they meet.

That metamorphosis has to be one of the most stunningly beautiful processes to watch happening in both yourself and others. Once you have seen and tasted what grace can do in your own and other people’s lives. Once you have experienced the restful ease of it’s transforming power. When you begin to rise up and view the worlds valleys and humanities brokenness from the lush green hills of grace.

You are never the same again!

However, the hidden glory of that transformation is that you will only truly experience it mesmerising depths, IF you begin from a place of witnessing the true extent to which it is undeserved. In your own life first… then in others second.

The truth is you will only experience grace in proportion to how much you acknowledge the depths of your own brokenness and weakness.

The divine key – given freely via Jesus Christ – to unlocking this view of undeserved grace and unconditional love in your own heart… Is surrendering to and receiving it’s ultimate core revelation…

That you have done nothing and can do nothing now, or in the future, to deserve miraculous divine perfect love.

The moment you believe you have done something that helps make you worthy of unconditional love and undeserved grace, you have voided the whole revelation and experience. You cannot experience grace by earning it – you can only receive as the ultimate gift.

You can only experience grace when you see how absolutely undeserved it really is!

And that is also humanity’s biggest hurdle to receiving the life transforming experience. Because humans like to justify how good and deserving they are; of respect, life and love. They have believed the lie that has completely corrupted people’s understanding and experience of love in our world – that love is something you give and receive because of how much you have earned and deserved it. This is why human convention dictates that you love those who love you, show kindness to those who are kind to you, and dislike and even hate those who dislike and hate you. Which makes the most sense to our human minds.

However…

People can’t see that it’s just that corruption of love that has polluted and destroyed our world, it’s inhabitants and all our relationships. The world is falling apart because it doesn’t truly understand and hasn’t truly experienced perfect unconditional love.

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All this is because the truth is ‘weakness is the ONLY way’ to receiving that love. And unfortunately humanity hates feeling weak. We spend our lives trying to cover over and whitewash the cracks and crevices we ALL have. We will do anything we can to show off our strengths and sometimes go to any extreme to hide and cover over our weaknesses.

This results in our own ‘view from here’ being totally corrupted, polluted and full of both:

Pride AND shame.
Superiority AND inferiority.
Self-promoting AND self-hiding.
Self-prioritising AND self-loathing.
Arrogance AND false humility.

All of which will pollute and destroy perfect love.

Paul said in the Bible; “But he (God) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” – 2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9‬

Anyone who has followed any part of my painful three year journey through a debilitating and devastating chronic illness will have heard and seen how it’s relentless waves have completely wrecked me again and again. I cannot begin to describe to you what has happened in my life over the past three and a half years. But perhaps I would say that, at times, it felt like a mixture of a devastating typhoon that ravaged its way through my life and attempted to destroy everything in its path. Whilst I sailed through its unrelenting storm in an exposed wooden rowing boat trying to not be completely sunk by the untamable wind and waves that seemed to strip me naked and constantly flood over me. On and off, I thought I was physically, mentally and spiritually drowning. Unable to cope or see a way through.

I can’t tell you how weak and vulnerable you feel when you are quite literally mostly bed bound and debilitated by a ‘life wrecking’, widely misunderstood, illness.

But as the never-ending storm raged and ripped through my life, stripping me of so many parts of my identity, dreams for the future and so much of what I could do, it revealed a deeper and deeper vulnerability. It exposed more and more of the real, naked, hidden and weak me. Until at moments I wasn’t totally sure what was left behind amidst the tatters of my old life.

Its destructive path at times completely overwhelmed me... but through it all... that still small voice of the Holy Spirit whispered…

“Weakness is the way”
“You can’t – but I AM can”
“Let yourself fall into My undeserved grace”
“Immerse yourself in My unconditional love”

And over time I began to SEE more and more of the depths of my Creator’s unconditional love – that could only be experienced through falling into and being completely immersed in His undeserved grace.

The old me who wanted to look, and be, so strong, the old me who struggled with pride and shame as the depth of her weakness was exposed, the old me who wanted to cover her nakedness with various worldly ‘fig leaves’ as Adam and Eve did after the fall…. Had to let herself be brutally killed off more and more –  so that I could experience His ever increasing grace.

All of my heroic self-attempts to keep striving to be strong, all of my ugly self-reliance that tried to fight the battle on my own, all of my projected ‘able, high-achieving, pretentious’ self-identity had to be brutally crushed and wounded.

… until I could again see that we can do absolutely NOTHING to earn or deserve God’s divine favour. We cannot add – even a morsel – to His unmerited ability or His unearned strength at work within us. 

“It would be so much more comfortable if God would keep us in our “strengths zone” wouldn’t it? But God keeps thrusting us into our “weakness zone” because it is only in our weakness that he is made strong”. – Christine Cane.

My Father, Lover and Friend… in His incomprehensible wisdom, allowed me to walk through the relentless ‘valley of the shadow of death and destruction’. So that I would learn to fall more deeply into Him. So that He could keep leading me like a Shepherd leads his scared lost sheep, up the greener, more peaceful, lusher mountainside. Up towards the higher ground where ‘the view from here’ would look even more stunningly beautiful than ever before.

My view of undeserved grace and unconditional love could only be widened and deepened when I truly realised that…

“It’s NONE of me… it’s ALL of Him.”

And that is what characterised His constant whispers to my soul throughout the storm…

“You can only do this through I AM’s undeserved grace. It’s My strength in your weakness. I didn’t build or design you to try and scale this mountain by your own human striving, strength and perseverance. I have allowed you to feel and see the depth of your weakness – so that you will see how much you need My grace. So FALL into My grace My precious, dependant, child and allow my SHALOM peace and completeness to STILL your heart again. And watch as you are saturated by My unconditional Love – so that when you look into the eyes of every person you meet, you will truly SEE with My eyes of pure unadulterated love.”

That is my ‘view from here’ which grows clearer and clearer each and every day.

That is why the word grace can cause me to catch my breath, bring tears to my eyes and deeply move my burning heart once again.

That is my story of undeserved grace.

That is what I need you to hear as you listen to my tragically beautiful tale.

Weakness is the only way to truly experience God. His grace can only be received as a mind-blowingly generous undeserved gift. His unconditional love is given despite our faults and failures. So that when we receive it – it will overflow to everyone we meet. In the stunning form of unconditional love for ALL people – regardless of how they feel about us in return. 

The view from here is so very beautiful. It’s so beautiful… can you SEE it now? 

“Christianity is not primarily a moral code but a grace-laden mystery; it is not essentially a philosophy of love but a love affair; it is not keeping rules with clenched fists but receiving a gift with open hands”. – Brennan Manning

Suffering into a Deeper Spiritual Awakening 

“Any great calamity in the natural world – death, disease, bereavement – will awaken a man like nothing else could and he is never the same. We would never know the treasures of darkness, if we are always in the place of placid security.” – Oswald Chambers

If you have ever faced pitch black darkness – you know how hard it is to get around. In that place, if you want to get somewhere, you will have probably also experienced the desperate longing to discover more revealing light.

We tend to fumble around in darkness, utterly lost and insecure about where our feet should go. We have to move so slowly. Feeling our way around and through. Hoping to find a flicker of light, some moonlight, a torch or that revealing light switch that should instantly show the right path ahead.

In pitch black darkness, we all know that we must move towards a source of light to find a way out.

I can still vividly remember being on holiday in Menorca years ago – when our kids were small. We were staying in a small villa, which had shutters and at night was pitch black. One night, one of our small girls screamed out after having a nightmare and I literally jumped out of bed, half asleep. I instantly felt completely disorientated and enveloped by the confusion of the darkness around me.

Where was I?
How could I reach my screaming child?
Where was that light switch that I desperately needed?

In the pitch black, fear and anxiety often overwhelm you. Especially when you face the urgency of trying to get to your screaming child. In that moment I felt completely and utterly helpless as I felt the walls, trying to recall where that light switch was.

Eventually – after fumbling around for ages – I found that precious switch. With it came a stilling burst of light. My panic began to subside as I could see the way to reach my distressed little girl in her own room. And as she felt my presence in the light, as I held her in my reassuring arms and listened to her describe her scary dream – I was so thankful for that light.

The same is true in our lives.

Times of deep darkness disorient us. We can panic and become anxious as our way forward is hidden. We might fumble about trying to find a source of light to make the path ahead clear. We can feel desperate – longing to discover even a flicker of light.

Darkness quickly feels enveloping and all consuming. Its black fog often starts to seep into every area of our thoughts, emotions, actions and lives. We can’t seem to shake it off. Its mist covers everything we do. Until we feel like we are slowly being sucked to its desolate and empty core of despair.

And as it does… the desperate longing and need for light increases and intensifies every hour of every day. Until we know the flicker of a flame – ‘a little hope’ – is not enough anymore to guide us through the dense fog we are immersed in. We need a more powerful light – a more ‘substantial and secure hope’ – to get us through and illuminate, reveal and secure the path ahead. 

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But it is also in the ‘deep darkness’ that the ‘treasures of darkness’ are waiting to be found. For it is only in that place that we truly see how much we long for and need the light to survive. It is only when our eyes are blinded by the darkness that we fully realise the depths of our desperation and longing for the light to again truly SEE!

The past three years, or so, have been the hardest physical, mental, emotional and spiritual challenge of my life. My journey through an utterly debilitating chronic illness following my accident in January 2015 left me feeling more broken and weak than I ever have before.

And yet…

I have increasingly discovered that ‘broken and weak’ is the avenue God uses to draw us more deeply towards Him. It is in true human desperation that we realise how little strength we really have alone. Weakness, and the subsequent new level of humility it can usher in, is always the path to discovering just how deeply we need God.

But the stark reality is – the intense journey of brokenness is truly a painful and raw place to walk. Where layer upon layer of self-sufficiency, self-security, self-identity and self-confidence are brutally peeled away. Leaving us more and more exposed in our human ‘naked’ vulnerability and fragility. Even as you begin to tentatively emerge and ascend out of the valley of deep darkness, you can still feel very battered, bruised and disorientated from the utterly exhausting and often overwhelming fight.

Finding your way through the darker valleys of life, although intensely difficult, can also be an exceedingly beautiful journey; as your heart is softened, opened and humbled like never before. IF – and only IF – we truly invite God into the hidden depths of our vulnerability and pain.

It is only then that we discover and SEE the light of His love,

More intimately.
More stunningly.
More remarkably.
Than ever before!

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” – ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭34:18‬ ‭(The Bible)

It has not always been easy on that relentless journey through life’s darker valleys. There have been moments of anger at God. Thoughts of betrayal. So much lack of understanding about what was really going on. I have had to wrestle through intensely difficult questions and thoughts.

I needed to ‘discover more of God’ in a FAR more real – and yet gritty – way. 

I have also had to come to a deeper acceptance of the fact, that we all currently live in a ‘broken world’. And that it is probably not going to change, for many of us, any time soon. 

The world was originally created perfect, with God, humanity and creation living in perfect Shalom’ (peaceful) completeness, wholeness and harmony. But ever since humanity decided to do things ‘their way’ rather than the ‘Creator’s way’ in the garden of Eden. The ‘completeness and harmony’ of creation has been fractured and has been subsequently breaking down & slowly falling apart. Sickness, disease, genetic deformity, natural disaster, selfishness, rebellion and pride all entered the world as a consequence of that ‘fall’ and separation of humanity from the Perfect Designer of the universe.

It doesn’t mean God wanted me – or any of us – to be sick. Or that He caused me to fall that day to teach me a lesson. Sickness is just part of our broken world that is groaning to have its ‘Shalom’ completeness restored. God wasn’t the ‘author’ of my sickness, but He does promise to work with our fractured creation and turn it around for my good.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans‬ ‭8:28‬ ‭(The Bible)

Over the past few years I have increasingly ‘groaned’ alongside the whole of creation for the ultimate redemption and restoration of the Shalom. Matt and I have also never been more aware of the deep, yet at times exceedingly painful, tension that exists between the ‘now’ and the ‘not yet’. Between God’s perfect kingdom and the current world in which we live.

This life is our ‘in the meantime’ life…

Yet the promise is that we can also begin to increasingly experience the ‘not yet’ perfect kingdom of God – His Shalom – in the ‘now’ through Jesus Christ. Jesus broke into His fractured creation to reach broken humanity. He came to live in the centre of the tension – as one of us. To see and then experience the deepest and most painful suffering here – to bring the ‘not yet’ of God’s glorious kingdom into the broken reality of creations ‘now’.

God’s complete ‘Shalom’ (perfect, whole life, restoring, enveloping peace) is what we ALL yearn and long for in the depths of our spirits and souls. Especially in the midst of suffering. But it is not just a ‘fuzzy’ feeling of ‘inner peace & calm’.

‘Divine Shalom’ – is so much more!

It is the stillness of our entire being – even amidst the storm. It’s illuminating light – even when everything appears dark. It’s the divine ability of undeserved grace – displayed through our human weakness. It loves us whole – in the reality of our brokenness. It is perfect completeness – in the midst of our imperfection.

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It’s so very hard to explain to you – with simple words – what has happened to me spiritually over the past three years. How can mere words describe the indescribable?! The only way I can explain it to you is that it was a profoundly deeper ‘spiritual awakening’.

I now SEE with new eyes.
I now HEAR with new ears.
I now FEEL with a new heart.
I now THINK with new wisdom.

My own human ‘nakedness’ of weakness and vulnerability has been exposed and uncovered to a much greater depth. And it was in that place that I found more indescribable divine Love waiting patiently for me. It was as if, all the way through my journey of brokenness and pain, I was being drawn further to seek and discover, being taken deeper to search and find.

It was only when I saw and felt the depths of my weakness and inability that I experienced the glorious wonder of His strength rising up within me. It was only as my self-reliance was brutally crushed by my inability to cope, that my dependency on Him grew so much stronger. Until from deep within the broken clay jar vessel of my life I cried out to the one who created me…

“Make me whole again Daddy.
Then shape and fill me anew, Holy Spirit.
Mould me into Your Divine image Jesus. 
Nothing else really matters… All I need is You!!”

I had again reached that intimate place of deeper surrender. 

When the darkness intensifies – our need for light increases. When blindness envelopes us – our longing to SEE truly grows. When our inner being is parched and empty – our spiritual hunger and thirst becomes more desperate. When the world can only offer silence – our spiritual ears long for His eternal song.

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When trying to describe spiritual – awakenings, encounters or experiences. We often use ancient images, words and metaphors. That to some might sound ‘cryptic’. To others may be simple ‘poetic words’. But to those of us who have truly tasted and experienced the eternal immeasurable love of God – Father, Son and Spirit. To those who have discovered Him waiting for them in their deepest brokenness and pain. To those who have seen His mesmerising light in the darkness. To those who know they cannot live without His beautiful grace…

Such words truly connect with the deepest longings of our hearts. Desires that we know nothing in this world can even begin to satisfy.

I wrote these words about my recent struggles to inspire us today. So that – together – we can again perceive the divine call to our souls – in the midst of suffering – to stretch further, to reach out deeper and uncover more of the dazzling light of His Truth, that will enable us to SEE and experience more of …

…the stunning, transcendent, everlasting – yet intimately personal and experiential – Triune GOD

Who is pure unconditional LOVE.
The Author of undeserved GRACE.
And the central beating heart of the perfect infinite SHALOM.

“If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.” ― C.S. Lewis, (Mere Christianity)


Click here for a great video explanation of the Hebrew word ‘Shalom’

For more posts about my three year battle with a spinal CSF leak – please click here or click on the CSF Leak tab at the menu above.