Tag Archives: kindness

What You Say Flows From What Is In Your Heart

Kind words can be short and easy to speak,
but their echoes are truly endless. – Mother Teresa

Have you ever wondered what is going on in someone’s heart? Who they really are and what they really think?

One sure way to work it out is to listen to what they say! What words come out of their mouths? What words do they write down/ type and share day after day.

In the Bible Jesus said…

“What you say flows from what is in your heart.” – Luke 6:45*

He is explaining that our words are connected to what is going on inside us. They are connected to our true hearts.

Yes of course we can pretend or say things we don’t really mean. But if you spend a lot of time with someone long term and listen to what they are saying, you will soon begin to get a picture of what is going on in their heart.

But the same is true for us! Have you ever stood back to consider how your own words paint a picture of what is going on within you?

Is your heart….
Tender or hard,
Loving or hateful,
Understanding or judgmental,
Forgiving or revengeful,
Sweet or bitter,
Cold or warm,
Kind or unkind,
Humble or proud?

heart shaped  in sand

Love is one of the main things that should show through your words.

If you love someone with your whole heart, it should be obvious in the way we speak to and about them.

I personally believe love resides in our hearts like a beautiful song. If our hearts sing with love, our words should sing with that same love. And everyone should be able to hear the song of love in and through our words.

That’s one of my personal goals in life – for my words to sing with an otherworldly love that can only come from knowing the unfathomable unconditional love and grace of God.

If I am truly in love with God, and desire to love others wholeheartedly, you will hear it in the way I speak, write and act.

“When you know how much God is in love with you then you can only live your life radiating that love.” – Mother Teresa

When you fall in love with someone, you can’t stop thinking about them. You constantly want to talk to them. You desire to be with them. You will find yourself wanting to tell others about them.

Love is such a powerful and all consuming force. And yet we can get so comfortable in our love for others, that over the years it can wain in its intensity. That’s when the cracks appear. Our words get a little harsher, a little less patient, more critical, more negative, less understanding, more self focused.

We convince ourselves that this is the other person’s fault. Perhaps if they were more lovable and loving it would be easy. Maybe if they weren’t so infuriating and selfish we would have more positives to say.


“Love resides in our hearts like a beautiful song.”


But what if we turned that on its head a moment and thought…

What if the problem is not mainly ‘the other,’ what if our main problem is our OWN hearts? If our words are becoming overly negative what does that say about what is going on inside us? What does that say about the quality of our love in the first place?

True love is not a fleeting emotion!

“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” – 1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:7‬ *

Love to me is ALWAYS unconditional. It is selfless – thinking of the other first. It is patient and kind, persistent and persevering. It’s full of grace. It is not easily angered, proud or self seeking. It covers over faults and loves regardless of weaknesses.

The challenge for me is that if that is the love I believe is in my heart. That love should then be revealed and shown through my words and actions.

Do my words sing with the love that I say is in my heart?

What do my words say about what is truly going on in my heart?

That’s a challenge to me. I certainly daily make mistakes. At times my words can be too harsh – especially to my family or when I feel particularly ill or get very tired. But I do want to do better, I can always be more positive, patient & understanding, even when exhausted and in pain.

Maybe we could take some time to consider that this week. Try and listen to what you say. Think about why you speak like you do.

You never know, you might discover that too many of your own words are negative, critical and hurtful. We all have ways we can improve in our communication with others. We can all be more kind and understanding. We can think more about how we can treat others as we would want to be treated.

What do your words reveal about your heart?

“What you say flows from what is in your heart.” – Luke 6:45

“Be generous with your time and your resources and with giving credit and, especially, with your words. It’s so much easier to be a critic than a celebrator. Always remember there is a human being on the other end of every exchange.” – Maria Popova


*Verses from the Bible

People Will Never Forget How You Made Them Feel

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

Have you ever thought about how you make people feel?

I guess it’s quite a hard question to answer unless you ask people directly. And perhaps it’s a question which might sound pretty strange.

‘Excuse me, how do I make you feel?’

You might have to prepare yourself for all sorts of answers (if people choose to be honest with you that is!!)

Could you guess what some people might say?

It’s a really good question in self awareness. Am I aware of how others might feel around me? Do they feel safe, valued, inspired, loved and cared for. Do they feel good being around me? Or might they feel intimidated, insecure, embarrassed, frustrated or angry when I am about.

Do people like being with me? Or would they rather get away from me given half a chance?

(I am sure people have felt both with me – none of us are perfect. And to be honest some people just won’t like us however hard we try).

When I first saw the Maya Angelou quote, it really struck a chord with me. I first considered how true it is as I thought about different people I have met throughout my life.

However, it also really inspired me to want to be the kind of person that people like to be around. I want people to come away with a positive feeling from being with me. I want people to feel like I am interested in them and care about them.

“Whatever you want for yourself, do it for others. If you make even small acts of compassion a daily habit, you will feel empowered & liberated from your own hurts & disappointments.” – Nick Vujicic

I don’t think we consider enough how we make people feel.

img_5113
(Image borrowed from PINTREST )

Over the past 21 months I have spent a lot of time in hospital and seen A LOT of different doctors and medical professionals and to be honest there is whole wide range of feelings I have experienced from being with or around them.

Some doctors made me feel valued, cared for, like they wanted to help, that I was a person not just a patient, that they were interested in my case, that they wanted to understand my condition and were there to support me on my journey.

Others made me feel intimidated, scared, anxious, doubted, misunderstood, inconvenient and frankly really upset!

Same job title,
Different people.
Contrasting responses.

Some people make us feel good, others can make us feel bad.
Some have a way of doing things and saying things that helps you to feel valued.
Others make you feel very under valued.

Now I have to say here that I think we need to be careful about letting other people dictate how we feel. We can’t ALWAYS blame others for making us ‘feel bad’. We can sometimes misunderstand others because of our own insecurities.

Sometimes it’s not actually them with the issue.
It’s us!
And we need a level of self awareness to know the difference.

We need humility to keep ourselves in check. To ask ourselves if we could have done or said things better. Pride will always leave us feeling hurt and we then blame others for it.

And yet it is inevitable that we are not going to feel good when the experience is bad. I am not going to feel cared for and safe if the other person seems disinterested or I feel under valued and misunderstood.

However, all this is only relevant if we understand that we can rarely change the way others behave towards us. We can perhaps influence it by being respectful, understanding and kind.

But we can’t MAKE others treat us well!

The only thing we can control is ourselves. We can only take responsibility of our own behaviour and responses. Sometimes we could all learn a bit more self control.

“Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.” – Dale Carnegie

So lets keep asking ourselves that question and pondering:
How do I really make others feel?

Do you try to look for ways to encourage, appreciate or compliment others? Perhaps saying “You look great today or you did that really well.” Do you try and look for the best in people, rather than just seeing the worst? Do You appreciate what they DO do for us or just point out all their failures and faults?

How can I make others feel comfortable around me?
What do they take away from time spent with me?

They are really good questions to chew on, ponder and consider. To be aware of next time we meet someone new.

We won’t always get it right, we have all had people misunderstand us. Or heard that people felt intimidated by us. I also believe people can sometimes completely misread us as we can others.

But it’s all about our hearts. I have to think about how I am acting around others and do my best to give people a positive vibe to take away. I want to be more self aware so that I get it right.I need the humility to see things from others perspectives rather than just my own limited understanding.

I want to be understanding instead of judgemental.
I want to learn to listen better rather than ‘speak my mind’ and ‘share my opinions’ AT people.
I want to think about how I can encourage others and appreciate what they do instead of criticise what they don’t.

Most of all I want to be a person people feel good being around. I know I may not always achieve this or get it right.

 BUT I SURE CAN TRY!!

How about we try together!

It’s amazing how differently people respond when we are kind. You never know, you might just become the highlight of someones bad day and your small act of kindness may well subsequently send ripples throughout the conversations and actions of many others throughout their day.

“People will forget what you SAID, people will forget what you DID, but people WILL NEVER FORGET how you made them FEEL.”

Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword

WORDS are sometimes easy to say.
Sometimes they are hard.
They can be too many.
Or too few.
They have the power to WOUND.
And the power to HEAL.

How do you use your words?

Each of us have different strengths and weaknesses when it comes to words.

We can be GOOD with them.
Communicate well.
Inspire, encourage and build others up.

Or we can be BAD with them.
Communicate badly.
Say the wrong thing at the wrong time and hurt people.

Communication isn’t always easy or simple. We ALL get it wrong at times, both intentionally and unintentionally. We can say too much or we can say too little.

It is not always easy to get right and even when we think we have, we can find that someone heard it all wrong anyway.

We know that good communication builds strong relationships and bad communication can tear them apart. But it isn’t always simple to navigate and it certainly takes a lot of wisdom.

Words can sometimes fly too freely from our mouths. It is not until later on that we might realise we didn’t think long or hard enough beforehand about how we communicated them. We gave too little thought to their consequences.

An old proverb says:

Thoughtless words can WOUND as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭12‬:‭18.‬ The Bible)

Can you relate to that Proverb?

I know I can.

WORDS copy

I can remember one time during my first or second year at secondary school (age 11/12). I had a friend that I would sit next to in my tutor group. We used to spend quite a bit of time together in and out of school. Then one day another friend told me that on that morning, as I came down the path towards the classroom, someone said “Becky is coming” and this girl had apparently responded, “Oh no, she is so annoying, I can’t believe I have to sit next to her.”

Someone I thought was my friend didn’t like to be with me.

Those words hurt.

They attack your confidence and your trust.

Our words matter.
They are not easily forgotten and cannot be taken back.
Badly spoken words can wreck relationships and hurt others.

We cannot change what we have said in the past. We also cannot change what others have said to or about us. But we can choose to use own our words differently, both today and in the future.

We can turn the tide and use more thoughtful and wise words to HEAL others.

Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can HEAL. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭12‬:‭18‬. The Bible)

I have been thinking about how wise and thoughtful words can heal and how can we use them more. Here are some of my conclusions.

WORDS scripture copy

KIND WORDS BUILD PEOPLE UP
Using kind words can have more impact than you can imagine. In the same way that we remember words that hurt us. We can also remember significant kind words, especially when they are given during a difficult times.

I can remember times when a short message on a card or a text has meant a lot and held much significance.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. – Mother Teresa

ENCOURAGEMENT COUNTERACTS CRITICISM
We all face negativity and criticism. It seems all too easy for us and others to complain, moan and point out all the faults in what others do. In a world that can often hear a lot more negatives than positives we desperately need people who choose to encourage. Who are thankful and appreciative of others. Who choose to see what is right rather than just what is wrong.

“Encouragement is the oxygen of the soul.” -John Maxwell

BELIEF RESTORES HOPE
Expressing your belief in someone can restore their hope and vision for the future. People find it all too easy to pull one another apart but the words ‘I believe in you and what you are doing’ can be life changing and counteract discouragement and disappointment.

“Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.” -The Bible: (Proverbs‬ ‭12‬:‭25‬)

KIND WORDS ARE GENEROUS
We often think about generosity in terms of money or gifts. But we can also be generous with our words. Offering someone a kind word, compliment or encouragement can be a form of generosity because it puts that person first and shows that you are thinking about them. It takes time, effort and humility to reach out to someone with kindness.

One of the best gifts you can anyone is encouragement. If everyone received enough the world would blossom beyond our wildest dreams. – Nicky Gumbel

WRITTEN WORDS CAN BE HELD ON TO
When someone writes thoughtful words down for you, you can re-read them, hold onto them and treasure them. I am sure many of us hold onto particular cards and letters with messages that really spoke to us at that time.

These can be invaluable during difficult times in our lives. They remind us that someone, somewhere does care.

USING KIND WORDS BLESSES US TOO
When we give a gift of kind words to others we find that we get blessed too. Good communication builds strong relationships with others. It encourages others to use similar words back. It helps us to feel good in sharing them. We get the focus off ourselves and think about how we can help another and that always helps us to feel better too.


The Proverb is so true. Thoughtless words DO wound deeply, but thoughtful, wisely spoken words DO heal.

Good words not only build others up but they can also heal the wounds inflicted by other thoughtless words. That is why our words are so powerful. They really can change lives.

Would you rather be a person who wounds or one that heals?

I know who I would rather be!

Be generous with your time and your resources and with giving credit and, especially, with your words. It’s so much easier to be a critic than a celebrator. Always remember there is a human being on the other end of every exchange. – Maria Popova

How do you think words can heal? Do you have any examples from your life?