Life is a gift.
A wonderful privilege.
Full of adventure, love & happiness.
Life brings both wonder and excitement.
But,
Life is not easy.
It is challenging.
It often feels hard.
Hard work.
Hard relationships.
Hard choices.
Of course many of us recognise that some people have had a ‘harder life’ than others. (Which helps us keep a balanced perspective).
However,
We are also very aware of the challenges we ALL face.
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle – Plato
Do you often feel that life is hard?
Harder than you thought it would or should be?
Perhaps?
Definitely?
Always?
Sometimes?
Why is it that?
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and it has caused me to think through a number of questions:
Is life actually meant to be hard or are we getting a raw deal?
Do other people find life as hard as you do?
Do you hope that life will get easier someday?
Sometimes I think we have believed a lie that life is supposed to be EASY.
That it is easy for some.
Easy for them.
In the West, we are sold that lie every day. Adverts, films, books, magazines and social media, all feed the ideal of a better, happier and more comfortable life.
But do things and comfort actually make you happy?
I often say to my husband that the media often sell us the lie about the ‘perfect family life’.
The good looking Mum and Dad have an awesome, romantic, yet down to earth marriage. They work hard, but also have lots of time to invest in their beautiful children. They have plenty of money, a stunning home, car, clothes and go on amazing holidays.
Life looks easy!
Does that not sound attractive?
But in reality family life is often anything but ideal.
FAMILY – is often hard work!
In many ways I have what might seem an ‘ideal’ family life. Matt and I have a great marriage. We have to work at it, like everyone else, but we managed to set a firm foundation from the start which has provided great stability in our home.
We have two healthy, beautiful, kind, loving and intelligent girls who flourish at school, are creative and full of life.
And yet we, like many others, find that in reality family life is often exhausting.
Parenting is tough.
Directing selfish kids is a challenge.
We can dream of consistent ‘family bliss’ but I am not sure that it really exists.
FAMILY – is often hard work!
Our kids regularly fight, argue, push against boundaries, complain and challenge us until we are tempted to run away and hide under a rock for a while – until things get easier.
Often ‘quality family time’ is far from wonderful. In fact sometimes it feels like something we all have to endure rather than thrive on. (Especially when you have small children)
I actually started writing this post on holiday. The ‘prime’ of quality family time. Supposedly a time of fun, laughter, love and relaxation.
….And although there is truth in that (we have had some wonderful times together)…
In reality even holidays don’t stop the responsibilities of being parents and the kids squabbling & complaining.
So what do we do?
Do we just give up on family life?
No!
We know we have to push through the hard times so that we can then appreciate the wonder and beauty of family.
To keep on keeping on!
No one really lives the fairy tale ideal anyway!
I have just finished reading a fantastic book called ‘Leadership Pain’ by Samuel Chand. It was both refreshing and insightful to read him, and so many others, acknowledging the ‘pain’ that is unique to leaders. Whilst encouraging us to keep on growing, which means constantly raising the threshold of our pain.
Often people can look at leaders around them and assume they must have life all figured out. That they enjoy their ‘power’ and ‘bask’ in the limelight.
This is rarely the truth.
Of course people can pursue and abuse power and hide their true selves.
But true leadership is often more challenging than many of us imagined. In the same way that the responsibility of leading/ parenting our children is.
Leadership, like parenting, is often hard. It is often painful. You have to make many sacrifices. You will get hurt.
You are leading real people. Helping them to grow and develop. You have to have courage to lead the way, even when you haven’t been there before yourself. Even when people don’t get you or your decisions and push against your authority.
Samuel Chand writes,
“There is no growth without change, no change without loss and no loss without pain. If you are not hurting, you are not leading. Your vision for the future has to be big enough to propel you to face the heartaches and struggles you find along the way.”
Leadership and parenting are inherently HARD. So you have to have a vision for the future that keeps you going through the tough times.
You must believe that your current investment, as a parent and leader, is worth while. You need hope for your child’s future, hope that many of the people you lead, will grow, develop and move forward. That is where you ultimately find joy and satisfaction.
It all comes down to perspective. Without the right perspective we can get drowned by the hard times and lost in the pain.
Life, in its essence is often NOT easy and the sooner we get our heads round that, the sooner we can prepare our minds to face the challenges life brings.
Responsibility
Hard work
Pain
Suffering
Rejection
Perseverance
Are all a fact of life.
Life, in its essence is often NOT easy and the sooner we get our heads round that, the sooner we can prepare our minds to face the challenges life brings.
We all have dreams for the future but they will usually not fall into our laps. Instead, we must face the fact that often WE have to make the right choices and keep on making the right choices for things to work out.
We have to CHOOSE the longer and harder road to experience longer term satisfaction.
We have to invest in our lives early on, making the necessary sacrifices along the way.
People want love without sacrifice.
But that does not exist.
Love and sacrifice are coexistent.
That is why we find family life and relationships hard.
Leadership is the same. Great leaders are not driven by selfish ambition. They are driven by a desire to serve others. To do this, great leaders love their followers.
And if:
LOVE = SACRIFICE.
Great leaders, like great parents, sacrifice for those they lead.
Sacrifice in its essence is hard.
Which means true love is hard.
Life was never meant to be easy. Life is an adventure. Adventures are in their essence challenging. But they are also so exciting.
We cannot experience the joys of life without embracing it’s challenges. It is the hard times which help us appreciate the good times.
It’s all about perspective.
You will never understand pleasure without pain. – T D Jakes
Do you find life hard?
How do you find strength to face it?
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